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If Your Brother Sins Against You

¹⁵ “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. ¹⁶ But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. ¹⁷ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. ¹⁸ Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed^[a] in heaven. ¹⁹ Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. ²⁰ For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

²¹ Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” ²² Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

²³ “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants.^{[b] 24} When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.^{[c] 25} And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. ²⁶ So the servant^[d]fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ ²⁷ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. ²⁸ But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii,^[e] and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ ²⁹ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ ³⁰ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. ³¹ When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. ³² Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.³³ And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ ³⁴ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers,^[f] until he should pay all his debt. ³⁵ So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

God’s Word makes it clear that we are to not harbor bitterness, but solve our conflict with others in a specific way. Jesus lays out that specific way for us here in this part of God’s Word. This is what He teaches us to do:

Having an attitude of reconciliation we are to:

 

1. Determine if there is sin involved, and if there is, what the specific fault is

Matt. 18:15, Eph. 4:31-32, Heb. 12:15, Gal. 6:1-5, Col. 3:12-14

 

2. Have a direct conversation with that individual, always avoiding gossip

Matt. 18:15, Prov. 10:18, 16:28, 26:20, Eph. 4:29, 1 Tim. 5:13

 

3. If necessary, get one or two closely associated people involved in a direct conversation with the individual

Matt. 18:16, Deut. 19:15, 2 Cor. 13:1, John 8:17, 1 Tim. 5:19

 

4. After that, if necessary, go before the church

Matt. 18:17, 1 Cor. 5:1-13, Eph. 5:25-27, 2 Cor. 2:5-8

 

5. If the individual refuses to listen, then fellowship is broken, but reconciliation must always remain available

Matt. 18:17, 5:16, James 5:19-20, Prov. 10:12, 1 Pet. 4:8

 

6. Remember the gravity of the situation

Matt. 18:18-20, 16:19, Eph. 6:4, Col. 3:21

 

7. Always be willing to radically forgive

Matt. 18:21-35, Matt. 6:14-15, Col. 3:13-14

Reflecting on God’s Word

Getting Started

• Take some time to read over Matthew 18:15-35 and pray. 
• Have you ever read or heard about this before? What stood out to you as we were talking about it? 
• What surprised you as we talked about it?
• Be honest with yourself, how likely are you to address conflict? Why is that? Is there anything from your past that makes you have that tendency? 
• Have you ever had a conflict and didn’t address it? What happened? What would have happened if you would have addressed it?
• Have you ever had a conflict where you did address it in a Biblical manner? How did it go? What happened to your relationship with that person? 
• Is anyone in your life dealing with an unaddressed conflict? If so, how can you encourage them to address their conflict in a Biblical manner? 

Diving In 

1. Read Galatians 6:1-5 and Colossians 3:12-14. Scripture says that we are to bear with another, and forgive one another as Christ forgave us. How would remembering that truth help you to address conflict in a Biblical manner? 

2. God’s Word makes it clear that we are to avoid gossip. What have been your tendencies towards gossiping in the past? Why do you think that is, and how would addressing your conflict in a Biblical manner help you to gossip less? 

3. Read Matthew 18:18-20. There is a gravity to sin within the church and among believers. If believers took seriously what Jesus teaches us in these verses, how do you think it would help them to avoid sin? What effect would it have on your life? 

Applying the Scripture

What are your biggest takeaways from this passage of God’s Word? 

• What practical step(s) do you need to implement in your life to apply what God has taught you in this passage of Scripture? 
• How would applying this affect your life and your relationship with the Lord? 
• Who can you ask to keep you accountable to applying this to your life?

Open with prayer.

Go around and give everyone a chance to share about how the past week has been. What’s one highlight? What’s one lowlight?

If your small group has talked about it before, feel free to use this time to hold people accountable to what they’ve asked to be held accountable for previously, and go through the “missional” part of this discussion guide.

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Prayer Time:

Pray for each other in your small group to be faithful take the step(s) that you shared above. Pray for each other and the interactions that they have with those who don’t know Jesus. Pray that God would soften the people’s hearts to what He has for them. Pray that God would give everyone opportunities to share the Gospel.

Staying Missional:

Share spiritual/missional conversations you’ve had where you live, work, and play:

Who did you have a conversation with that took a spiritual/missional turn this week?
What questions did you ask to discover where God is at work in their life, even if they are not aware?
How were you able to share your story of life change or how you have experienced Jesus?
How can you be intentional this week with people where you live, work, and play to have spiritual/missional conversations if the opportunity arises?
Who in your life do you think could be discipleable or open to spiritual/missional conversations?

What’s next?

Discuss the next step for your small group. When will we gather again and what purpose will it fulfill?